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Drug Quotes

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Funny and Memorable Quotes
500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
Drug Quotes are quotes about all kind of drugs including hardcore illegal drugs, alcohol, brith control, MSG, and more.

This site doesn't condone taking any kind of illegal drugs or legal ones in an illegal way.

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David Spade: ... a friend of Nicole Ritchie told the New York Post that Nicole is definitely pregnant ... proving once again that cocaine is not birth control ...
From The Showbiz Show with David Spade
Also See: Pregnant Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Tom Hardy (Tommy Conlon): ... I liked you better when you were drunk ...
From Warrior
Also See: Drinking Quotes Movie Quotes

Jane Lynch (Sue Sylvester): ... commercials aren't real life, advertisers are manipulative alcoholics who use images to play on our emotions, haven't you seen Mad Men ...
From Glee on May 8, 2012
Also See: Drinking Quotes Life Quotes

Ellen Pompeo (Dr. Meredith Grey): ... supposedly, alcohol will make my baby have 3 heads, and 16 toes ...
Sandra Oh (Dr. Cristina Yang): ... umm, wanna get some crack cocain?
From Grey's Anatomy on January 6, 2011
Also See: Drinking Quotes Scary Quotes

Michael Weatherly (Special Agent Tony DiNozzo): ... I'm educating probee on what, Italy has contributed to the world ... oration, Italian Gin, sports cars ...
Cote de Pablo (Ziva David): ... gold chains and chest hairs ...
Michael Weatherly: ... and pasta, in all its sexy shapes and sizes ...
Cote de Pablo: ... the Chinese invented pasta ...
Michael Weatherly: ... Communist error propaganda ...
Also See: Food Quotes

Alex Borstein (Lois Griffin): ... see Peter, a hangover is nature's way of telling you that I'm right ...
From Family Guy
Also See: Drinking Quotes Lois Griffin Quotes

Denis Leary (Tommy Gavin): ... he's drinking again?
Lenny Clarke (Uncle Teddy): ... like a Kennedy on Election Day ...
From Rescue Me
Also See: Drinking Quotes Political Quotes

Dave Attell: ... I guess you know you are really drunk when you get pulled over by the coast guard ...
From Unknown
Also See: Drinking Quotes

Lea Michele (Rachel Berry): ... have you been working out, your arms seem bigger?
Mark Salling (Puck): ... it's the steroids ...
From Glee on November 30, 2010

David Letterman: ... Thanksgiving is the day when ... my mom, after six Bloody Marys, looks at the turkey and goes: "Here kitty, kitty" ...
From Uncle John's Quintessential Collection of Notable Quotations: For Every Occasion
Also See: Book Quotes Drinking Quotes Family Quotes Food Quotes Holiday Quotes Mother Quotes Talk Show Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes

Bill Murray (Phil): ... it's the same thing your whole life ... clean up your room, stand up straight, pick up your feet, take it like a man, be nice to your sister, don't mix beer and wine, ever ... oh yeah, don't drive on the railroad tracks ...
Rick Ducommun (Gus): ... Phil, that's one I happen to agree with ...
From Groundhog Day
Also See: Drinking Quotes Family Quotes Life Quotes Movie Quotes Sister Quotes

Paul McCartney: ... animation is not just for kids, it's also for adults who take drugs ...
From The 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards on January 17, 2010

Howard Stern: ... what's with this you never having a drink?
Dane Cook: ... I look at Artie and feel he is me in another dimension ...
From Howard Stern Show on November 4, 2009
Also See: Artie Lange Quotes Drinking Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Quentin Tarantino: ... 6 empty bottles of wine ... that's how you get the most sought after guy [Brad Pitt] on the planet Earth ...
Jimmy Kimmel: ... that's how you end up with a whole house of kids, drink six bottles of wine ...
From Jimmy Kimmel Live
Also See: Brad Pitt Quotes Drinking Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Artie Lange: ... she [Jessica Biel] was born the year I got my first DWI ...
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Also See: Birthday Quotes Drinking Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Chris Rock: ... the reason coke and weed are illegal in America because the best coke and weed ain't made in America ...
From Never Scared
Also See: Best Quotes

Samuel L. Jackson (Gerald Olin): ... you do drink, don't you ...
John Cusack (Mike Enslin): ... ofcourse, I just said I was a writer ...
From 1408
Also See: Drinking Quotes Movie Quotes

Valerie Tian (Su-Chin Qah): ... I'm off pills ...
Ellen Page (Juno MacGuff): ... that's a wise choice, 'cause I knew this girl, she had this like crazy freak out cause she like took too many behaivorial meds at once, and and she like ripped off her clothes, and dove into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and was like "I am a Kricon from the sea" ...
Valerie Tian: ... I heard that was you ...
Ellen Page: ... well, was good seeing you, Su-Chin ...
From Juno
Also See: Crazy Quotes Movie Quotes

Patrick Breen (Hotel Desk Manager): ... perhaps I shall send Dom Pérignon to your room?
Chris Farley (Haru): ... I prefer to be alone tonight, perhaps later I will meet your friend Dom ...
From Beverly Hills Ninja
Also See: Friendship Quotes Movie Quotes

Sean Penn: ... I've just always found it socially uncomfortable to be in more of a crowd of 5, without alcohol ...
From Late Show with David Letterman on October 1, 2007
Also See: Talk Show Quotes

James Van Der Beek (Dixon): ... ok, I know what you guys are thinking ... gotta get fast food, beer, and getting laid ...
Chad Michael Murray (Lucas Scott): ... well, that was pretty much what I was thinking ...
Austin Nichols (Julian): ... it is like he read my mind ...
From One Tree Hill on January 19, 2009
Also See: Food Quotes Sex Quotes

Sara Ramirez (Dr. Callie Torres): ... alone people don't like to hear about the together people, ok, even if the alone people are alone by choice, it's sort of mean, it's sort of like bringing a six pack to an AA meeting ...
From Grey's Anatomy on February 6, 2009
Also See: Relationship Quotes

Dakota Fanning: ... my character [Cassie Holmes in the movie Push], she, her powers, get better, if she, drinks alcohol, so ...
Jay Leno: ... I know a lot of women like that ...
From The Tonight Show on January 28, 2009
Also See: Talk Show Quotes

Sarah Jessica Parker (Carrie Bradshaw): ... I have this substance abuse problem ... expensive footwear ...
From Sex and the City

Seth Rogen: ... honestly, I wish I got to do this a long time ago, in a different era in Hollywood perhaps, maybe like the 80s, you know, that way instead of getting drunk with Mickey Rourke tonight, I'd be doing cocain with Mickey Rourke tonight ...
Elizabeth Banks: ... you did do cocain with Mickey Rourke tonight ...
From The 66th Annual Golden Globe Awards on January 11, 2009
Also See: Drinking Quotes

Zooey Deschanel (Kit): ... good news, it's champaigne Thursday ...
Sarah Jessica Parker (Paula): ... it's Friday ...
Zooey Deschanel: ... uh, yeah, Thursday came twice this week ...
Sarah Jessica Parker: ... oh, for the third straight week ...
From Failure to Launch
Also See: Drinking Quotes Movie Quotes

Will Ferrell (Frank Ricard): ... thought maybe I could crash here tonight, if that's allright with you, Marissa's going through some, personal stuff ...
Luke Wilson (Mitch Martin): ... personal stuff like you, ah, running through the neighborhood drunk and naked ...
Will Ferrell: ... that ... and and, some other stuff ...
From Old School
Also See: Drinking Quotes Movie Quotes

Roseanne: ... I'll get you more beer Dan, after all it is Thanksgiving, the day where I do everything and the rest of you sit around like Plymouth Rock ...
From Roseanne
Also See: Food Quotes Holiday Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes

Chris Farley (Haru): ... as a pimp I shall blend into Beverly Hills like MSG into miso soup ...
From Beverly Hills Ninja
Also See: Food Quotes Movie Quotes

John Scurti (Lou Shea): ... you guys eat something before you joined us?
Steven Pasquale (Sean Garrity): ... we did, we had a couple of burgers at the Bistro ...
Artie Lange (Lou's Cousin): ... perfect ... its good to have some food in your belly ... this way when the puking starts you got something to, you know, heave up instead of the lining of your stomach ...
From Rescue Me
Also See: Drinking Quotes Food Quotes

Ted Danson (Dr. John Becker): ... what about drugs, are you on any narcotics or hallucinogens?
Steven Wright (Boyd Crossman): ... no, but if you think it would help ...
From Becker

Dane Cook: ... here's how you know, that you're really drunk ... I figured it out ... when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time ...
From Comedy Central Presents
Also See: Drinking Quotes Harmful If Swallowed Quotes

Sara Ramirez (Dr. Callie Torres): ... anyone ever think you two a, couple?
Ellen Pompeo (Dr. Meredith Grey): ... no, because we screw boys like whores on tequila ...
Sandra Oh (Dr. Cristina Yang): ... then we either try to marry them or drown ourselves ...
Sara Ramirez: ... huh ...
From Grey's Anatomy on May 1, 2008
Also See: Death Quotes Relationship Quotes Sex Quotes

Nancy Walls (Health Clinic Counselor): ... now you're all here because you're interested in obtaining birth control, any questions?
David Koechner (Dad at Health Clinic): ... here's a cute story, I came home the other day, and he [the son] is with his girlfriend in my matrimonial bed, doing things that are illegal in Alabamba, sex acts, right, things that my wife won't do, ok?
Nancy Walls: ... did you have a question?
David Koechner: ... how do I get my wife to do that?
From The 40 Year Old Virgin
Also See: Cute Quotes Family Quotes Movie Quotes Relationship Quotes Sex Quotes

Alex Borstein (Lois Griffin): ... you're drunk again ...
Peter Griffin: ... no, I'm just exhausted from being up all night drinking ...
From Family Guy
Also See: Drinking Quotes Lois Griffin Quotes

Mitch Hedberg: ... I love the FedEx driver because he is a drug dealer and he don't even know it ...
From Mitch All Together
Also See: Love Quotes

Carla Gallo (Lizzie Exley): ... how'd you get so smart?
Will Ferrell (Dave): ... um, I ah, I read, read like 8 or 9 books a week ...
Monica Keena (Rachel Lindquist): ... wow ...
Will Ferrell: ... also do a lot of speed ... all the time ...
From Undeclared
Also See: Book Quotes

Heath Ledger (Patrick Verona): ... what is it with this chick, she have beer flavored nipples?
From 10 Things I Hate About You
Also See: Movie Quotes

Marko Elgart: ... I don't understand why you have to be members of MySpace, so you can post to 500 million people that I got really drunk last night ...
From New York Comedy Club
Also See: Drinking Quotes MySpace Quotes

Will Arnett (Stranz Van Waldenberg): ... were you on steroids?
Will Ferrell (Chazz Michael Michaels): ... little bit, about a half a cup ...
From Blades of Glory
Also See: Movie Quotes

Keira Knightley (Elizabeth Swann): ... so that's it then, that's the secret grand adventure fo the infamous Jack Sparrow ... he spent 3 days lying on the beach drinking rum ...
Johnny Depp (Jack Sparrow): ... welcome to the Caribbean love ...
From Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Also See: Drinking Quotes Movie Quotes

Bruce Hunter (NSA Agent): ... the way I see it, the question isn't, why should you work for the NSA, the question is why shouldn't you ...
Matt Damon (Will Hunting): ... why shouldn't I work for the NSA, that's a tough one, I'll give it a shot, say I'm working at the NSA and somebody puts a code on my desk that no one else can break, maybe I take a shot at it, maybe I break it, and I'm real happy with myself because I did my job well, but maybe that code was the location to some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East and once they have that location they bomb the village where the rebels are hiding, 1500 people that I never met, never had no problem get killed ... now the politicians are saying, oh send in the marines to secure the area because they don't give a **** ... won't be their kid over there getting shot, just like it wasn't them when their number got called 'cause they were off doing their tour in the National Guard, maybe some kid from Southy over there taking shrapnel in the ass, he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country where he just got back from and the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job 'cause he'll work for 15 cents a day and no bathroom breaks, meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price, and ofcourse the oil companies use the little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices, a cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helping my buddy at two fifty a gallon, they're taking their sweet time bringing the oil back, maybe they took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes drinking martinis and playing slalom with the icebergs, it ain't too long before he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic ... so now my buddies out of work, he can't afford to drive, so he's walking to the ****ing job interviews, which sucks because the shrapnel in his ass is giving him chronic hemroids and meanwhile he's starvin because every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're serving is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State ... so what did I think ... I'm holding out for something better ... I figure **** it, while I'm at it, why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to a sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the national guard, I could be elected president ...
Robin Williams (Sean Maguire): ... you feel like you are alone Will?
From Good Will Hunting
Also See: Death Quotes Drinking Quotes Food Quotes Friendship Quotes Happy Quotes Movie Quotes Political Quotes

Will Ferrell (Ricky Bobby): ... let me just quote the late great Colonel Sanders, he said, "I'm too drunk to taste this chicken" ...
From Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Also See: Colonel Sanders Quotes Drinking Quotes Food Quotes Movie Quotes

Lisa Kudrow (Phoebe Buffay): ... a stripper at a bachelor party is so cliche, why don't you get a magician ...
Matthew Perry (Chandler Bing): ... well, if the magician can open my beer bottle with his butt cheeks, then ok ...
From Friends

Will Ferrell (Frank the Tank): ... it's so good, once it [beer] hits your lips, its so good ...
From Old School
Also See: Movie Quotes

Dane Cook: ... the Cost [Kevin Costner], one of the greatest guys I have ever met ah, he's a, you know Costner Professional, I learned so much about acting, ah, he's a handsome man, banged a lot of broads, probably has Herpes, ah ...
Jimmy Kimmel: ... really?
Dane Cook: ... yeah I saw a little blue pill fall out of his pocket but, you know, in all fairness it could've been a chewable Flintstone vitamin ...
From Jimmy Kimmel Live on September 20, 2007
Also See: Talk Show Quotes

Will Ferrell (Mugatu): ... I feel like I'm taking crazy pills ...
From Zoolander
Also See: Crazy Quotes Movie Quotes

John C. McGinley (Dr. Perry Cox): ... you can't drink and come to work, you're not airline pilots ...
From Scrubs

Will Ferrell (Mugatu): ... Derlicte, it is the fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vargrants, the crack whores, that make this wonderful city unique ...
From Zoolander
Also See: Inspirational Quotes Life Quotes Movie Quotes

John C. Reilly (Cal Naughton, Jr.): ... me and Ricky since we've been little kids, man ... we go together like chinese food and chocolate puding, lets face it ...
Will Ferrell (Ricky Bobby): ... yeah, but Cal, those two things don't really go together ...
John C. Reilly: ... oh we, we go together like cocain and waffles ...
Will Ferrell: ... you know what, for instance, if you, if I say peanut butter and ...
John C. Reilly: ... ladies ...
David Koechner (Herschell): ... yup ...
John C. Reilly: ... right? am I right?
Will Ferrell: ... no, jelly ...
David Koechner: ... jelly?
John C. Reilly: ... I'm supposed to put jelly on a lady?
From Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Also See: Food Quotes Movie Quotes

Sandra Oh (Dr Christina Yang): ... your problem is Estrogen ...
Ellen Pompeo (Dr. Meredith Grey): ... no, my problem is tequila ...
From Grey's Anatomy

Jeremy Piven (Droz): ... times have changed in the past 30 years, Tho-mas, we no longer swill sherry and screw goats for fun anymore ...
From PCU
Also See: Drinking Quotes Movie Quotes Sex Quotes

Artie Lange: ... Dane Cook I found out recently is a work horse, he doesn't drink ...
Bob Saget: ... he is your antithesis, he is changing his name to Artie 180 ...
From Howard Stern Show on August 23, 2007
Also See: Dane Cook Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Will Ferrell (Steve Butabi): ... the truth is, I'm a rebel and you're like this sweet girl next door type ...
Molly Shannon (Emily Sanderson): ... Steve, you are forgetting, I'm in college, I go to college, ok? ... translation, drunken orgies with occasional CliffsNotes ...
From A Night at the Roxbury
Also See: Drinking Quotes Movie Quotes School Quotes Sex Quotes

Oprah Winfrey: ... but that [hosting the Oscars] evan isn't the least slightest bit intimidating?
Ellen DeGeneres: ... ahhh, I hadn't thougth about it, but ahhh ...
Oprah Winfrey: ... no, seriously ...
Ellen DeGeneres: ... well you know, I am going to drink a little bit ...
From Ellen: The Ellen DeGeneres Show
Also See: Talk Show Quotes

Cole Hauser (Billy): ... you are legally allowed to drink kid, so we figured the best thing for you is a car ...
From Good Will Hunting
Also See: Best Quotes Drinking Quotes Movie Quotes

Jeremy Piven (Droz): ... Well, here's all you need to know. Classes, nothing before 11. Beer, its your best friend, you drink a lot of it. Women, you're a freshman, so its pretty much out of the question. Will you have a car? ... Someone on your hall will, find them and make friends with them on the first day ...
From PCU
Also See: Best Quotes Drinking Quotes Food Quotes Friendship Quotes Movie Quotes School Quotes

Jon Favreau (Gutter): ... I didn't ... exhale?
From PCU
Also See: Famous Quotes Movie Quotes

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Quote Sources:
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500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
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