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Logan.WS / Quotes / School Quotes

School Quotes

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Funny and Memorable Quotes
500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
School Quotes are quotes about high school, college, teachers, and students. You also might like graduation quotes.

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Mitt Romney: ... I love teachers ...
Bob Schieffer: ... I think we all love teachers ...
From Presidential Debate on October 22, 2012
Also See: Love Quotes Political Quotes

Jason Lee (Dwight Hendricks): ... those that can't do, teach ...
From Memphis Beat on July 7, 2010

Dianna Agron (Quinn Fabray): ... prom queens live on average 5 years longer than regular people, that's probably because they smile a lot, and smiling has been proven to ward off diseases ...
From Glee on March 15, 2011
Also See: Life Quotes

Julie Kavner (Marge Simpson): ... maybe true friends aren't random people you meet in a Mommy and Me class, they're random people you meet in a college dorm ...
From The Simpsons
Also See: Friendship Quotes

Norm MacDonald (Frank): ... when I graduated first grade all my father did for me was, tell me to get a job ...
From Billy Madison
Also See: Family Quotes Father Quotes Graduation Quotes Movie Quotes

Daniel Tosh: ... decorating the gym [for Prom] can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls ...
From Tosh.0

Megan Fox (Mikaela Banes): ... are you, are you new to school, this year, this is your first year?
Shia LaBeouf (Sam Witwicky): ... oh, no, no, ah, we've been in the same school since first grade ...
Megan Fox: ... really?
Shia LaBeouf: ... yeah ...
Megan Fox: ... no ...
Shia LaBeouf: ... yeah, long time ...
Megan Fox: ... well do, do we have any classes together?
Shia LaBeouf: ... uh, yeah, yeah, history ... language arts, math, science ...
From Transformers
Also See: History Quotes Movie Quotes

Rocky La Porte: ... you know how they say you never forget your first school teacher, I had mine like 4 years in a row ... I was dating her by the time I got out of that joint ...
From Comedy Central Presents
Also See: Graduation Quotes Relationship Quotes

Mark Twain: I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
From 20,000 Quips & Quotes
Also See: Book Quotes

Vince Vaughn (Beanie): ... college is overrated anyway, I built Speaker City from the ground up and I can barely read ...
From Old School
Also See: Movie Quotes

Seann William Scott (Wheeler): ... let me guess, you're not really rolling with the ladies at school, are you Augie?
Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Augie Farks): ... oh no, I'm, I'm really good friends with the school nurse, she's a divorce ...
From Role Models
Also See: Friendship Quotes Movie Quotes Relationship Quotes

H.L. Mencken: College football would be more interesting if the faculty played instead of the students - there would be a great increase in broken arms, legs and necks.
From 20,000 Quips & Quotes
Also See: Book Quotes Football Quotes Sports Quotes

Austin Nichols (Julian): ... that was amazing, no wonder you were so popular in high school ...
Sophia Bush (Brooke Davis): ... excuse me, sex didn't help make me popular, I made it become popular ...
From One Tree Hill on February 2, 2009
Also See: Sex Quotes

Christina Applegate (Kelly Bundy): ... enough, if I wanted intelligent conversation, I'd still be dating my teachers ...
From Married with Children
Also See: Relationship Quotes

Evan Esar: [Graduation:] A ceremony that marks the end of college study and the beginning of education.
From Esar's Comic Dictionary
Also See: Book Quotes Graduation Quotes

Evan Esar: The thing that surprises the college graduate most when he gets out in the world is to find out how much uneducated people know.
From 20,000 Quips & Quotes
Also See: Book Quotes Graduation Quotes

Bethany Joy Galeotti (Haley James Scott): ... it was terrifying not knowing where Jamie was, sometimes I just want to lock him up and home school him ...
Hilarie Burton (Peyton Sawyer): ... that's my plan ... I mean in like the future when I need a plan ...
Bethany Joy Galeotti: ... Oh, My, God, you are pregnant ...
From One Tree Hill
Also See: Pregnant Quotes Scary Quotes

Ray Romano (Ray Barone): ... we don't need classes, we are great parents, ok you are a great parent and I am your lovely assistant ...
From Everybody Loves Raymond
Also See: Family Quotes

Jeff Altman: ... I had bad study habits until senior year when I figured out that I was highlighting with black magic marker ...
From Unknown

Minnie Driver (Skylar): ... where did you get this [the answers to the homework]?
Matt Damon (Will Hunting): ... I had to sleep with someone in your class ...
Matt Damon: ... I hope it was someone with open toed sandals and really bad breath ...
From Good Will Hunting
Also See: Movie Quotes Sex Quotes

Evan Esar: The ideal gift for the high school or college graduate is a job.
From 20,000 Quips & Quotes
Also See: Book Quotes Graduation Quotes

Thomas Dekker (John Connor): ... we read, we learned, I didn't get killed, and she didn't kill anyone, pretty good first day [of school] I think ...
From Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Also See: Death Quotes

Ellen Page (Juno MacGuff): ... I'm pregnant ...
Michael Cera (Paulie Bleeker): ... what should we do?
Ellen Page: ... well, you know, I was jus ... I was thinking I would just nip it in the bud, before it gets worse, 'cause they were talking about in health class how pregnancy it often can lead to an infant ...
Michael Cera: ... typically, yeah, yeah, that is what happens when our moms and teachers get pregnant ...
From Juno
Also See: Family Quotes Movie Quotes Pregnant Quotes

Dane Cook: ... I can't wait to get Nick's [DiPaolo's] new comedy album, its called stop me if you heard this in junior high school ...
From Comedy Central Roast of Denis Leary
Also See: Harmful If Swallowed Quotes Retaliation Quotes

Ellen Pompeo (Nicole): ... I told him that I had a crush on you in high school and I think I got him a little jealous ...
Luke Wilson (Mitch Martin): ... you had a crush on me, you got to be kidding me, I was obsessed with you, I mean not in a dangerous way, I just watched you a lot from a distance ...
From Old School
Also See: Movie Quotes

Brian George (UN Secretary): ... now, Mr Evil ...
Mike Myers (Dr. Evil): ... Dr Evil, I didn't spend 6 years in evil medical school to become Mr, thank you very much ...
From Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Also See: Doctor Quotes Movie Quotes

Shia LaBeouf (Mutt Williams): ... you're a teacher?
Harrison Ford (Indiana Jones): ... part time ...
From Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Also See: Movie Quotes

Lorrie Bess Crumley (School teacher): ... Mr Bobby, there's no smoking in here ...
Gary Cole (Reese Bobby): ... oh, it's all right darlin', I'm a volunteer fireman ...
From Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Also See: Movie Quotes

Evan Esar: Experience is the only school from which no one ever graduates.
From 20,000 Quips & Quotes
Also See: Book Quotes Graduation Quotes

Jeremy Piven (Droz): ... that's the beauty of college these days, Tommy, you can major in Gameboy if you know how to [bs] ...
From PCU
Also See: Movie Quotes

Dane Cook: ... they used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up ... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus ...
From The Tonight Show on October 25, 2007
Also See: Talk Show Quotes

Catman Cohen: We need to place velvet ropes around the hospitals, fire-stations, schools, soldiers barracks, and police stations of this nation. People should line up in front of those buildings, begging for entrance, as though they were the hottest nightclubs in the nation. It should be a privilege, no less than a divine honor, to touch or receive an autograph from a nurse, fireman, soldier, teacher, or cop today. They are the heroes we need to reclaim desperately or we will perish in a society whose caretakers have become pretty heiresses, porno muscle-heads, ball players, fame groupies, and aspiring entertainers.
From CatmanCohen.com
Also See: Inspirational Quotes Sports Quotes

Jeremy Piven (Droz): ... allright, what do you need, bottle rockets, dental damn, redi whip, term papers ...
From PCU
Also See: Food Quotes Movie Quotes Sex Quotes

Vince Vaughn (Peter La Fleur): ... hang on a second, you want to become a cheerleader to prove to a girl that you are not a loser?
Justin Long (Justin): ... yeah ... why?
Vince Vaughn: ... nothing, just high school's changed a little since I was a kid ...
From Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Also See: Movie Quotes Sports Quotes

Sacha Baron Cohen (Jean Girard): ... you know why I came to America, Ricky Bobby?
Will Ferrell (Ricky Bobby): ... public schools, healthcare system, giant waterparks, I mean the same reason anyone comes to America ...
From Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Also See: Movie Quotes

Howard Stern: ... I know he [Fred Thompson] is very qualified, his character on Law & Order went to Yale Law School ...
From Howard Stern Show on September 4, 2007
Also See: Fred Thompson Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Will Ferrell (Steve Butabi): ... the truth is, I'm a rebel and you're like this sweet girl next door type ...
Molly Shannon (Emily Sanderson): ... Steve, you are forgetting, I'm in college, I go to college, ok? ... translation, drunken orgies with occasional CliffsNotes ...
From A Night at the Roxbury
Also See: Drinking Quotes Drug Quotes Movie Quotes Sex Quotes

Catman Cohen: There will be hope for our society when the day arrives where MySpace models, porno actresses, rock stars, and the scandalously famous can count their friends in the hundreds while the nurses, teachers, firemen, soldiers, police, environmentalists, and social activits can count their friends in hundreds of thousands. Until such time, our priorities are wrong and we continue down a slippery slope.
From CatmanCohen.com
Also See: Famous Quotes Friendship Quotes Inspirational Quotes MySpace Quotes

Becky Thyre (Moonbeam): ... if every student on this campus were to starve, it would be worth the life of a calf ...
From PCU
Also See: Life Quotes Movie Quotes

Catman Cohen: We live in a society where increasingly our eco-socio-politico eductation is presented by "court jesters" such as Bill Maher, Howard Stern, Al Franken, et al. Just how low have we sunk when people require a punch line in order to examine any serious topic? It won't be long before the only requirements to become a school teacher will be a great stand-up routine and a colorful clown's wig.
From CatmanCohen.com
Also See: Howard Stern Quotes

Dane Cook: ... I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school ...
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien on June 15, 2006
Also See: Sports Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Ben Affleck (Chuckie): ... so this is a Harvard bar, huh? ... I thought there would be equations on the wall ...
From Good Will Hunting
Also See: Movie Quotes

Mila Kunis (Meg Griffin): ... I can not believe this is happening to me, I can never go back to school again ...
Stewie Griffin: oh yes Meg, yes yes, yes everything was going swimmingly for you until this ... yes yes this is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance or awkward social graces or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses ... no no no, its this ... do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight ...
From Family Guy
Also See: Death Quotes

Stewie Griffin: ... where did you graduate again, university of duhhhh ...
From Family Guy
Also See: Graduation Quotes

Jeremy Piven (Droz): ... Well, here's all you need to know. Classes, nothing before 11. Beer, its your best friend, you drink a lot of it. Women, you're a freshman, so its pretty much out of the question. Will you have a car? ... Someone on your hall will, find them and make friends with them on the first day ...
From PCU
Also See: Best Quotes Drinking Quotes Drug Quotes Food Quotes Friendship Quotes Movie Quotes

Chris Farley (Tommy): ... did you hear I finally graduated?
David Spade (Richard): ... yeah, just a shade under a decade too, all right ...
Chris Farley (Tommy): ... you know a lot of people go to college for 7 years ...
David Spade (Richard): ... I know, they're called doctors ...
From Tommy Boy
Also See: Doctor Quotes Graduation Quotes Movie Quotes

Quote Categories:
Basketball Batman Best Birthday
Book Christmas Crazy Cute
Death Doctor Drinking Drugs
Easter Family Famous Father
Father's Day Food Football Friendship
Graduation Happy History Holidays
Inspirational Irish Life Love
Mother Movies Music MySpace
Pirate Political Pregnant Relationship
Scary School Sex Sister
Sports Talk Show Thanksgiving Valentine's Day

Quoted People:
Adam Sandler Artie Lange Brad Pitt Catman Cohen
Chris Farley Chris Rock Christian Bale Dane Cook
Daniel Tosh David Spade Ellen Pompeo Emo Philips
Evan Esar Heath Ledger Homer Simpson Howard Stern
Johnny Depp Kristen Stewart Lisa Lampanelli
 Martin Luther King, Jr
Matt LeBlanc Mitch Hedberg Oprah Winfrey Paris Hilton
Rachael Ray Sandra Oh Steven Wright Stewie Griffin
Tracy Morgan Vince Vaughn Will Ferrell Will Smith
 William Shakespeare

Quote Sources:
 20,000 Quips & Quotes
Anchorman Bible Big Daddy
Black Sheep Blues Brothers Crossword Puzzles
 Dane Cook's Harmful If Swallowed
 Dane Cook's Retaliation
 Everybody Loves Raymond
Family Guy
Friends Game of Thrones
 The Godfather
 Good Will Hunting
Grey's Anatomy Harry Potter
 Howard Stern Show
 Jimmy Kimmel Live
 Late Night with Conan O'Brien
The Notebook Old School
One Tree Hill PCU
 Pirates of the Caribbean
 Sex and the City
Simpsons SNL Talladega Nights
Tommy Boy Tonight Show Twilight Wedding Crashers

500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
Funny and Memorable Quotes:
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