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Logan.WS / Quotes / Steven Wright Quotes

Steven Wright Quotes

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500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
Steven Wright
Steven Wright is a funny comedian that is famous for witty one liners like the late Mitch Hedberg. He has played a bunch of weird roles in movies and has been on SNL or Saturday Night Live.

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Steven Wright (Boyd Crossman): ... hello Jack ...
Alex Désert (Jake Malinak): ... Jake, my name is Jake, we go through this every time ...
Steven Wright: ... oh, that's a relief, I thought it was the same time over and over again ...
From Becker

Ted Danson (Dr. John Becker): ... have you ever seen a psychiatrist?
Steven Wright (Boyd Crossman): ... well, it's hard to say, it's not like they walk around with big signs all day ...
From Becker
Also See: Doctor Quotes

Steven Wright: ... I have a large sea shell collection that I keep scattered on the beaches all over the world ... maybe you've seen it ...
From SNL (Saturday Night Live)

Terry Farrell (Reggi): ... hey Boyd, haven't seen you in a while ...
Steven Wright (Boyd Crossman): ... but you can see me now, right?
Terry Farrell: ... yeah ...
Steven Wright: ... good ...
From Becker

Ted Danson (Dr. John Becker): ... what about drugs, are you on any narcotics or hallucinogens?
Steven Wright (Boyd Crossman): ... no, but if you think it would help ...
From Becker
Also See: Drug Quotes

Ted Danson (Dr. John Becker): ... I happen to know one [a psychiatrist] and ah, I'm gonna give him a call, I think it will be very helpful for you to talk to him ...
Steven Wright (Boyd Crossman): ... well, I'll do what I can, but frankly I have problems of my own ...
From Becker
Also See: Doctor Quotes

Steven Wright: ... right now I am having amnesia and deja vu at the same time ...
From SNL (Saturday Night Live)

Steven Wright: I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
From The Tonight Show on September 14, 1983
Also See: Talk Show Quotes

Steven Wright: ... I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add ...
From SNL (Saturday Night Live)

Steven Wright: ... lot of people are afraid of heights, not me, I am afraid of widths ...
From SNL (Saturday Night Live)

Steven Wright: ... I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he is gone ...
From SNL (Saturday Night Live)

Steven Wright: ... I put instant coffee into a microwave and I almost went back in time ...
From SNL (Saturday Night Live)

Steven Wright: ... I like to reminisce with people I don't know ...
From SNL (Saturday Night Live)

Steven Wright: ... I bought some batteries but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again ...
From SNL (Saturday Night Live)

Steven Wright: ... if you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
From Unknown

Steven Wright: ... I was walking through the forest and a tree fell right in front of me and I didn't hear it ...
From Unknown

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