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Logan.WS / Quotes / Doctor Quotes

Doctor Quotes

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500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
Doctor Quotes are quotes about doctors. Doctors can be the source or butt of some funny lines, like in the TV shows Grey's Anatomy, Scrubs, and House.

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Eric Dane (Dr. Mark Sloan): ... the most refined, professional, lady like doctor in this hospital came to my defense today ... best she could come up with was, he's a whore ... I am a whore ...
From Grey's Anatomy on May 8, 2008
Also See: Best Quotes Sex Quotes

Steve Martin: ... first the doctor told me the good news ... I was going to have a disease named after me ...
From Unknown

Will Smith (Del Spooner): ... you're a shrink ... my ex wife would be glad I am talking to you ... you don't know her do you?
Bridget Moynahan (Susan Calvin): ... I'm sorry, are you being funny?
Will Smith: ... I guess not ...
From I, Robot
Also See: Family Quotes Happy Quotes Movie Quotes Relationship Quotes

Ray Romano (Ray Barone): ... would I go to see a pediatrist or a proctologist to remove a foot from my ass?
From Everybody Loves Raymond

David Letterman: ... [Donald Trump] I know your doctor, he is the best ear, nose, and wallet guy there is ...
From Late Show with David Letterman
Also See: Best Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Ted Danson (Dr. John Becker): ... have you ever seen a psychiatrist?
Steven Wright (Boyd Crossman): ... well, it's hard to say, it's not like they walk around with big signs all day ...
From Becker

Hugh Laurie (Dr. Gregory House): ... I became a doctor because of the movie Patch Adams ...
From House M.D.
Also See: Movie Quotes

Allison Janney (Brenda MacGuff): ... doctors are sadists, who like to play God and see lesser people scream ...
From Juno
Also See: Movie Quotes

Mitch Hedberg: ... I went to a doctor, all he did was suck blood from my neck, don't go see Dr Acula ...
From Mitch All Together
Also See: Monster Quotes Scary Quotes

Chandra Wilson (Dr. Miranda Bailey): ... I would like to offer my thoughts on Dr Sloan [to all of you nurses] ...
Eric Dane (Dr. Mark Sloan): ... you're doing great ...
Chandra Wilson: ... uh, this man is a whore, has always been a whore, will probably always be a whore, but that is not secret, he's not keeping it hidden, you all knew who he was before you got involved with him, and now you want to be all "woe is me, he's not calling me back, he's dating other women," he's nasty, but he's a doctor, here, and a pretty good one ... so let us all close our knees and get back to our jobs, so he can get back to his job, and help the people that really need it ...
From Grey's Anatomy on May 8, 2008
Also See: Relationship Quotes

Brian George (UN Secretary): ... now, Mr Evil ...
Mike Myers (Dr. Evil): ... Dr Evil, I didn't spend 6 years in evil medical school to become Mr, thank you very much ...
From Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Also See: Movie Quotes School Quotes

Nicholas Turturro (Renaldo Pinera): ... I took my sister to the electrolysis for a second opinion, they said there is nothing they could do ...
From I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Also See: Family Quotes Movie Quotes Sister Quotes

Robert Frost: Poets like Shakespeare knew more about psychiatry than any $25-an-hour man.
From 20,000 Quips & Quotes
Also See: Book Quotes William Shakespeare Quotes

Ted Danson (Dr. John Becker): ... I happen to know one [a psychiatrist] and ah, I'm gonna give him a call, I think it will be very helpful for you to talk to him ...
Steven Wright (Boyd Crossman): ... well, I'll do what I can, but frankly I have problems of my own ...
From Becker

Howard Stern: ... what kind of doctor was he [Dr Martin Luther King, Jr], a gynecologist?
Robin Quivers: ... I believe he was a doctor of psychology ...
From Howard Stern Show on January 22, 2008
Also See: Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Chris Farley (Tommy): ... where are we going to take the deer?
David Spade (Richard): ... I don't know, the vet?
Chris Farley: ... you take dead animals to the vet?
David Spade: ... why not, we take you to the vet ...
Chris Farley: ... yeah, I'll take you to the ...
David Spade: ... got that?
Chris Farley: ... shut up ...
From Tommy Boy
Also See: Death Quotes Movie Quotes

Matt Damon (Will Hunting): ... hey, does this [hugging] violate the doctor patient relationship?
Robin Williams (Sean Maguire): ... only if you grab my ass ...
From Good Will Hunting
Also See: Movie Quotes Relationship Quotes

Chandra Wilson (Dr. Miranda Bailey): ... you can go and tell Dr Grey that the clinic is not a dumping ground for strays, we are not the Isle of Broken Interns ...
From Grey's Anatomy on October 11, 2007

McDonalds Customer: ... nice parenting ...
Adam Sandler (Sonny Koufax): ... what are you my therapist, go take a walk ...
From Big Daddy
Also See: Family Quotes Movie Quotes

Sandra Oh (Dr. Cristina Yang): ... you can't date a vet, he isn't even a real doctor ...
From Grey's Anatomy
Also See: Relationship Quotes

Katherine Heigl (Dr. Izzie Stevens): ... you are a doctor now, parental disappointment ends with a medical degree ...
From Grey's Anatomy on February 1, 2007
Also See: Family Quotes

Vince Vaughn: ... I am going to go home, see Dr. Finklestein, and I am gonna tell him we have a whole new bag of issues now ... we can forget about Mom for a while ...
From Wedding Crashers
Also See: Family Quotes Movie Quotes

Rosanna Arquette (Constance Ferguson): ... don't worry, I only killed 3 people and none of them were doctors ...
From Grey's Anatomy
Also See: Death Quotes

Chris Farley (Tommy): ... did you hear I finally graduated?
David Spade (Richard): ... yeah, just a shade under a decade too, all right ...
Chris Farley (Tommy): ... you know a lot of people go to college for 7 years ...
David Spade (Richard): ... I know, they're called doctors ...
From Tommy Boy
Also See: Graduation Quotes Movie Quotes School Quotes

Quote Categories:
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Death Doctor Drinking Drugs
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Mother Movies Music MySpace
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Sports Talk Show Thanksgiving Valentine's Day

Quoted People:
Adam Sandler Artie Lange Brad Pitt Catman Cohen
Chris Farley Chris Rock Christian Bale Dane Cook
Daniel Tosh David Spade Ellen Pompeo Emo Philips
Evan Esar Heath Ledger Homer Simpson Howard Stern
Johnny Depp Kristen Stewart Lisa Lampanelli
 Martin Luther King, Jr
Matt LeBlanc Mitch Hedberg Oprah Winfrey Paris Hilton
Rachael Ray Sandra Oh Steven Wright Stewie Griffin
Tracy Morgan Vince Vaughn Will Ferrell Will Smith
 William Shakespeare

Quote Sources:
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Anchorman Bible Big Daddy
Black Sheep Blues Brothers Crossword Puzzles
 Dane Cook's Harmful If Swallowed
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 Everybody Loves Raymond
Family Guy
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 The Godfather
 Good Will Hunting
Grey's Anatomy Harry Potter
 Howard Stern Show
 Jimmy Kimmel Live
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The Notebook Old School
One Tree Hill PCU
 Pirates of the Caribbean
 Sex and the City
Simpsons SNL Talladega Nights
Tommy Boy Tonight Show Twilight Wedding Crashers

500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
Funny and Memorable Quotes:
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