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Logan.WS / Quotes / Holiday Quotes / Christmas Quotes

Christmas Quotes

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Funny and Memorable Quotes
500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
Snoopy lighting Christmas tree
Christmas quotes are quotes involving the Christian holiday Christmas and related figures like Santa Clause. Christmas is a religeous Christian holiday but it is also a time of family, love, friendship, and giving for all people including non Christians. Christmas is also a good topic for funny and cute quotes from movies and tv shows like A Charlie Brown Christmas and Elf, starring Will Ferrell.

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Brian Baumgartner (Eric): ... you lie to your families on Christmas?
Vince Vaughn (Brad): ... well you really can't spell families without lies ...
From Four Christmases
Also See: Family Quotes Holiday Quotes Movie Quotes

Howard Stern: ... if you have ever been to the Vatican, the head exorcist's desk is right next to Santa Claus ...
From Howard Stern Show on March 11, 2010
Also See: Holiday Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Adam Brody (Seth Cohen): ... is someone going overboard with this holiday [Valentine's Day]?
Kelly Rowan (Kirsten Cohen): ... oh, like you're one to talk, Christmakkah anyone?
Peter Gallagher (Sandy Cohen): ... well, at least that's a real holiday ...
Adam Brody: ... tell her Dad ...
From The O.C.
Also See: Holiday Quotes Valentine's Day Quotes

Vince Vaughn (Fred Claus): ... have you ever thought about Santa Claus?
Bobb'e J. Thompson (Slam): ... not really ...
Vince Vaughn: ... the guy's in a big red suit, flying around on reindeer, because he craves the spotlight, he's a fame junkie, the guy's a clown, he's a megalomaniac ...
From Fred Claus
Also See: Holiday Quotes Movie Quotes

Vince Vaughn (Fred Claus): ... I think it is absolutely amazing, to think he [Santa Claus] can fly around to a million houses in one night, breaking and entering ... scaring little children while they're sleeping, steal all the food, eat the littke kids' cookies and stuff like that, I mean its a phenomenal occurance, and I get jacked out of my mind just thinking about all those laws being broken ...
From Fred Claus
Also See: Food Quotes Holiday Quotes Movie Quotes Scary Quotes

Lisa Lampanelli: ... "Holiday Play" ... cause we can't call it Christmas play no more, cause you Jews got jealous of us ... and made up Hanukka to screw with us ...
From Lisa Lampanelli: Dirty Girl
Also See: Holiday Quotes

Hugh Laurie (Dr. Gregory House): ... I want to drive them apart ...
Robert Sean Leonard (Dr. James Wilson): ... with gift giving?
Hugh Laurie: ... conflict is built in to the name, Santa is about sharing and Secret is about withholding ...
From House M.D.
Also See: Holiday Quotes

Will Ferrell (Buddy): ... we elves try to stick to the four main food groups, candy, candy cane, candy corn, and syrup ...
From Elf
Also See: Food Quotes Holiday Quotes Movie Quotes

Sarah Chalke (Becky): ... for once we can have a Thanksgiving where you don't have to yell and scream at everybody ...
Roseanne (Roseanne): ... well, gee, you might as well take the carols right out of Christmas ...
From Roseanne
Also See: Holiday Quotes Music Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes

Julie Kavner (Marge Simpson): ... I invited Selma here to watch Grampa watch the kids ...
Julie Kavner (Selma Bouvier): ... for some reason she doesn't trust him, maybe its the bang up job he did raising you ...
Homer Simpson: ... he was a great dad, every year he got so mad when Santa didn't bring me presents ...
From The Simpsons
Also See: Family Quotes Father Quotes Holiday Quotes Marge Simpson Quotes

Kal Penn (Kutner): ... who's that [present] from?
Hugh Laurie (Dr. Gregory House): ... Santa, obviously ... cause you know I worship him, oh wait, do I mean Satan, I always get them confused ...
From House M.D.
Also See: Holiday Quotes

Will Ferrell (Buddy): ... you stink, you smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa ...
From Elf
Also See: Food Quotes Holiday Quotes Movie Quotes

James Lafferty (Nathan Scott): ... what else did you tell him?
Antwon Tanner (Skills): ... not much, just the truth ...
James Lafferty: ... like?
Antwon Tanner: ... like, the Man killed Tupac and Biggie, never date girl's named Bevin, and Santa Claus is black ...
James Lafferty: ... wow, say anything about the Easter Bunny?
Antwon Tanner: ... a bunny that lay eggs, man, you know how many questions he would ask about that?
From One Tree Hill
Also See: Death Quotes Easter Quotes Holiday Quotes Relationship Quotes

Norm MacDonald: ... Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year ... hey, happy birthday Jesus, hope you like crap ...
From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
Also See: Birthday Quotes Happy Quotes Holiday Quotes

Peter Robbins (Charlie Brown): ... I think there must be something wrong with me Linus, Christmas is coming, but I'm not happy, I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel ... just another dang Christmas I guess, I like getting presents, and sending Christmas cards, and decorating the tree and all that but I'm still not happy, I always end up getting depressed ...
Christopher Shea (Linus): ... Charlie brown, you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful gaping white Christmas and turn it into a problem, maybe you shouldn't gripe, of all the Charlie Browns in the world you are the Charlie Brownest ...
From A Charlie Brown Christmas
Also See: Happy Quotes Holiday Quotes

Santa Claus: ... merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night ...
From The Night Before Christmas
Also See: Book Quotes Famous Quotes Holiday Quotes

Conan O'Brien: ... this is The Last Christmas, this is a dark story of, of Santa ah, well it is a different ...
Brian Posehn: ... well, its like you've seen before, its Santa after the apocalypse fighting zombies, we've all seen that ...
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Also See: Book Quotes Holiday Quotes Monster Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Artie Lange (Gimbel's Santa): ... and ah what can I get you for Christmas ...
Will Ferrell (Buddy): ... Paul, don't tell him what you want, he's a liar ...
Artie Lange: ... let the kid talk ...
Will Ferrell: ... you disgust me, how can you live with yourself?
Artie Lange: ... just cool it zippy ...
Will Ferrell: ... you sit on a throne of lies ...
Artie Lange: ... look, I'm not kidding ...
Will Ferrell: ... you're a fake ...
Artie Lange: ... I'm a fake?
Will Ferrell: ... yes ...
Artie Lange: ... how'd you like to be dead?
From Elf
Also See: Death Quotes Holiday Quotes Movie Quotes

Conan O'Brien: ... little fun fact for you, this year people all around the world, I think it is the first time they did this, were able to watch the Rockefeller tree lighting ceremony over the internet, is that nice, yeah .... yeah, this way, this way people could get into the Christmas spirit right before downloading porn ...
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Also See: Talk Show Quotes

Edward Asner (Santa): ... the paparazzi have been trying to nail me for years ...
From Elf
Also See: Holiday Quotes Movie Quotes

Kevin Spacey (Lloyd Chasseur): ... you know what Ma, you know what I am going to get you next Christmas, a big wooden cross, this way the next time you feel unappreciated, you climb on up on it and nail yourself to it ...
From The Ref
Also See: Family Quotes Holiday Quotes Movie Quotes

Mike Myers (Shrek): ... smelly Christmas to all, and to all a gross night ...
From Shrek the Halls
Also See: Holiday Quotes

Howard Stern: ... as you leave tonight, this fine audience, like Santa Clause, like the white Oprah, I bring you Howard TV for a year, all of you will have a free subscription ...
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Also See: Holiday Quotes Oprah Winfrey Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Leslie Bibb (Carley Bobby): ... sweety ... Jesus did grow up, you don't always have to call him baby, its a bit odd and all praying to a baby ...
Will Ferrell (Ricky Bobby): ... well, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I am saying grace ... when you say grace, you can say it to Grown-up Jesus or Teenage Jesus or Bearded Jesus or whoever you want ...
From Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Also See: Holiday Quotes Movie Quotes

Mitch Hedberg: ... severed foot is an ultimate stocking stuffer ...
From Unknown
Also See: Holiday Quotes Scary Quotes

Will Ferrell (Buddy): ... this place [the mailroom] reminds me of Santa's workshop except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me ...
From Elf
Also See: Food Quotes Holiday Quotes Movie Quotes

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500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
Funny and Memorable Quotes:
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