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Logan.WS / Quotes / Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Mitch Hedberg Quotes

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Funny and Memorable Quotes
500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg was a funny comedian who died March 29, 2005 at the age of 37 of a drug overdose like Chris Farley. Mitch is famous for his slow delivery of funny one liners.

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Mitch Hedberg: ... I bought a seven dollar pen because I am always losing pens and I am tired of not caring ...
From Unknown

Mitch Hedberg: ... I am going to do a bunch a jokes that require you actually seeing me, and then the CD will piss people off ...
From Mitch All Together

Mitch Hedberg: ... when I was a boy I laid in my twin size bed and wondered where my brother was ...
From Mitch All Together
Also See: Family Quotes

Mitch Hedberg: ... I went to a doctor, all he did was suck blood from my neck, don't go see Dr Acula ...
From Mitch All Together
Also See: Doctor Quotes Monster Quotes Scary Quotes

Mitch Hedberg: ... don't you think rumors suck man ...
From Howard Stern Show on October 12, 2004
Also See: Talk Show Quotes

Mitch Hedberg: ... I love the FedEx driver because he is a drug dealer and he don't even know it ...
From Mitch All Together
Also See: Drug Quotes Love Quotes

Mitch Hedberg: ... I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick, that would be convenient ...
From Mitch All Together
Also See: Sports Quotes

Mitch Hedberg: ... I think Pringles's initial intention was to make tennis balls ... but on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up a big old truck of potatoes arrived ... but Pringles is a laid back company, they said "cut them up" ...
From Unknown
Also See: Food Quotes Sports Quotes Tennis Quotes

Mitch Hedberg: ... I play tennis, the thing that is depressing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as the wall, I played a wall once, their relentless ...
From Unknown
Also See: Sports Quotes Tennis Quotes

Mitch Hedberg: ... severed foot is an ultimate stocking stuffer ...
From Unknown
Also See: Christmas Quotes Holiday Quotes Scary Quotes

Mitch Hedberg: ... I like to wear a do not disturb signs around my neck so that little kids don't tell me knock knock jokes ...
From Mitch All Together

Mitch Hedberg: ... the only way I can get my cds into a store is if I bring it in myself and leave it ...
From Unknown

Mitch Hedberg: ... I order the club sandwhich all the time, and I'm not even a member, man, I don't know how I get away with it ...
From Mitch All Together

Mitch Hedberg: ... I was told to move because I was blocking the fire exit ... as if I wouldn't run if there was a fire ... anything flamable and has legs can't ever block a fire exit ...
From Unknown

Mitch Hedberg: ... you know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show ...
From Unknown

Mitch Hedberg: ... I can type 100 words a minute ... in my own language ...
From Unknown

Mitch Hedberg: ... I want to hang a map of the world in my house, then I am going to put pins into all the locations I have traveled to, but first I will have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down ...
From Mitch All Together

Mitch Hedberg: ... wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy ...
From Unknown

Mitch Hedberg: ... I don't like protesting, but I don't know how to show it ...
From Unknown

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Chris Farley Chris Rock Christian Bale Dane Cook
Daniel Tosh David Spade Ellen Pompeo Emo Philips
Evan Esar Heath Ledger Homer Simpson Howard Stern
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Matt LeBlanc Mitch Hedberg Oprah Winfrey Paris Hilton
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500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
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