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Logan.WS / Quotes

Quotes



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Funny and Memorable Quotes
    Funny and Memorable Quotes are quotes from anywhere (movies, songs, books, etc.) or anyone. They are not necessarily exact or direct quotes, but posted as they are remembered by Logan.

Quote Categories:
Basketball Batman Birthday Book
Christmas Crazy Cute Death
Doctor Drugs Family Famous
Father Food Football Friendship
Graduation History Holidays Inspirational
Irish Life Love Mother
Movies Music MySpace Pirate
Relationship Sex Scary Sports
Talk Show Thanksgiving Valentine's Day Wedding

Quoted People:
Adam Sandler Artie Lange Brad Pitt Catman Cohen
Chris Farley Chris Rock Christian Bale Dane Cook
David Spade Ellen Pompeo Emo Philips Evan Esar
Heath Ledger Homer Simpson Howard Stern Kristen Stewart
Lisa Lampanelli
 Martin Luther King, Jr
Matt LeBlanc Mitch Hedberg
Oprah Winfrey Paris Hilton Rachael Ray Sandra Oh
Steven Wright Stewie Griffin Tracy Morgan Vince Vaughn
Will Ferrell Will Smith
 William Shakespeare
 

Quote Sources:
 20,000 Quips & Quotes
Anchorman Bible Big Daddy
Black Sheep Blues Brothers Crossword Puzzles
 Dane Cook's Harmful If Swallowed
 Dane Cook's Retaliation
 Everybody Loves Raymond
Family Guy Friends
 The Godfather
 Good Will Hunting
Grey's Anatomy Harry Potter
 Howard Stern Show
 Jimmy Kimmel Live
Juno
 Late Night with Conan O'Brien
The Notebook Old School One Tree Hill PCU
 Pirates of the Caribbean
Scrubs
 Sex and the City
Simpsons
SNL Talladega Nights Tommy Boy Tonight Show
Twilight Wedding Crashers    

500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
Funny and Memorable Quotes:
Logan Website
(Quotes, Games, and Articles):



Current Quote:
Roseanne:... nobody should be alone on Thanksgiving, except maybe Mom ...
From Roseanne
 
Also See: Family Quotes Holiday Quotes Mother Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes
 
Past Remembered Quotes of the Moment
Billy Crystal (Mitch Robbins):... hey Curly, kill anyone today?
Jack Palance (Curly Washburn):... day ain't over yet ...
From City Slickers
 
Also See: Death Quotes Movie Quotes
 

 
Leonardo DiCaprio (Jack Dawson):... I figure life's a gift, and I don't intend on wasting it ... you never know what hand you're going to get dealt next, you learn to take life as it comes at you ...
From Titanic
 
Also See: Inspirational Quotes Life Quotes Movie Quotes
 

 
Howard Stern:... they're thinking of putting him [Patrick Swayze] in Ghost 2, but this time he'll really be dead ...
From Howard Stern Show on January 7, 2008
 
Also See: Death Quotes Movie Quotes Scary Quotes Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Sandra Oh (Dr. Cristina Yang):... you can't take the pressure, how it is ...
Katherine Heigl (Dr. Izzie Stevens):... you're right Christina, in the contest to see who can be the best robot, you win ...
Sandra Oh:... ooh, oo, oo, ooh ...
From Grey's Anatomy on January 10, 2008
 

 
Nick Swisher:... when I grow up I want to be like Alex Rodriguez ...
From an interview on October 20, 2009
 
Also See: Baseball Quotes Sports Quotes
 

 
Vince Vaughn (Beanie):... college is overrated anyway, I built Speaker City from the ground up and I can barely read ...
From Old School
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Laura Prepon (Donna Pinciotti):... damnit Kelso, you don't french the bride ...
From That '70s Show
 
Also See: Wedding Quotes
 

 
David Duchovny (Hank Moody):... I'm the fly paper for the emotionally disturbed ...
From Californication on October 18, 2009
 

 
Tracy Morgan:... I'm the face of post racial America, deal with it Cate Blanchett ...
From The 66th Annual Golden Globe Awards on January 11, 2009
 

 
Henry Phillips:... I like to look at it like I got one foot in the music door and one foot in the comedy door, so I don't know if you can really picture that or not, I'm not really getting anywhere, I'm just kinda humping the wall in between the two doors ...
From Comedy Central Presents
 
Also See: Music Quotes
 

 
Gerard Butler (Creedy):... only one thing worse than a dragon ... Americans ...
From Reign of Fire
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Lisa Lampanelli:... I can laugh at the down syndrome, I bought the bracelet ...
From Lisa Lampanelli: Dirty Girl
 

 
Heath Ledger (The Joker):... [Batman] you, you complete, me ...
From The Dark Knight
 
Also See: Batman Quotes Movie Quotes
 

 
David Letterman:... there's a possibility that I'll be the first talk show host impeached ...
From Late Show with David Letterman on October 5, 2009
 
Also See: Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Rick Crom:... I only know one French phrase ... we, we surrender ...
From The Comedy Cellar on February 4, 2006
 

 
David Letterman:... I think sex on the first date is ...
Jessica Alba:... fine ...
David Letterman:... fine, you said that sort of unenthusiastically ... like ... fine, like getting a good parking place ...
Jessica Alba:... sometimes a good parking place is better ...
From Late Show with David Letterman
 
Also See: Relationship Quotes Sex Quotes Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Anthony Cumia:... did we start persecuting the Jews when we found that an iceberg sunk the Titanic, no ...
From The Opie and Anthony Show on September 11, 2009
 
Also See: Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Katie Holmes (Rachel Dawes):... it's not who you are underneath ... it's what you do that defines you ...
From Batman Begins
 
Also See: Batman Quotes Inspirational Quotes Movie Quotes
 

 
Kevin James:... I know [Robert] De Niro, you know, it's all famous that he packed on 60 pounds for Raging Bull, but ah, he just did it for one movie, I do that for every movie ...
From The Tonight Show
 
Also See: Famous Quotes Movie Quotes Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Amanda Seyfried (Needy):... you're killing people ...
Megan Fox (Jennifer):... nooo, I am killing boys ...
From Jennifer's Body
 
Also See: Death Quotes Movie Quotes
 

 
Kim Cattrall (Samantha Jones):... is it all about the other person, is that love?
Cynthia Nixon (Miranda Hobbes):... no, that's marriage ...
From Sex and the City Movie
 
Also See: Love Quotes Movie Quotes
 

 
Dane Cook:... ah, what am I suppose to say to an atheist when he sneezes, ah, when you die nothing happens ...
From Dane Cook: Vicious Circle on HBO
 

 
Ryan Kwanten (Jason Stackhouse):... if a tree falls in the woods, it's still a tree, ain't it?
From True Blood on September 13, 2009
 

 
Jimmy Kimmel:... well you're Jewish ...
Eli Roth:... yes ...
Jimmy Kimmel:... it must have been a thrill, what did your parents think about [being in Inglorious Bastards]?
Eli Roth:... uh, well my parents, my parents were very proud, they always see their boy grow up to kill Nazis, is something they always dreamed of ...
From Jimmy Kimmel Live
 
Also See: Death Quotes Family Quotes Father Quotes Mother Quotes Movie Quotes Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Bobb'e J. Thompson (Slam):... ass what?
Vince Vaughn (Fred Claus):... assets, get your mind out of the gutter, you're better than that ...
From Fred Claus
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Will Ferrell (Chazz Michael Michaels):... for about a month my urine smelled like marshmallows ...
From Blades of Glory
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Seann William Scott (Wheeler):... let me guess, you're not really rolling with the ladies at school, are you Augie?
Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Augie Farks):... oh no, I'm, I'm really good friends with the school nurse, she's a divorce ...
From Role Models
 
Also See: Friendship Quotes Movie Quotes Relationship Quotes
 

 
Quentin Tarantino:... 6 empty bottles of wine ... that's how you get the most sought after guy [Brad Pitt] on the planet Earth ...
Jimmy Kimmel:... that's how you end up with a whole house of kids, drink six bottles of wine ...
From Jimmy Kimmel Live
 
Also See: Brad Pitt Quotes Drug Quotes Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Dan Aykroyd (Elwood Blues):... Illinois Nazis ...
John Belushi (Jake Blues):... I hate Illinois Nazis ...
From The Blues Brothers
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen):... Bella, you are my life now ...
From Twilight
 
Also See: Life Quotes Movie Quotes
 

 
Ryan Kwanten (Jason Stackhouse):... sometimes you have to destroy something to save it ... and that's in the bible, or the constitution ...
From True Blood on August 30, 2009
 
Also See: Bible Quotes
 

 
Chris O'Donnell (Charlie Simms):... Sir?
Al Pacino (Lt Colonel Frank Slade):... don't call me Sir ...
Chris O'Donnell:... I'm sorry, I mean, Mr., Sir ...
Al Pacino:... uh oh, we got a moron here ...
From Scent of a Woman
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
H.L. Mencken:College football would be more interesting if the faculty played instead of the students - there would be a great increase in broken arms, legs and necks.
From 20,000 Quips & Quotes
 
Also See: Book Quotes Football Quotes Sports Quotes
 

 
Diane Kruger:... don't you find that when people have faith in you, you actually want to do well ...
David Letterman:... that hasn't been my experience ...
From Late Show with David Letterman on August 18, 2009
 
Also See: Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Howard Stern:... Brad Pitt doesn't have a brain in his head ...
Robin Quivers:... now stop that, Brad Pitt is building a smart New Orleans ...
Howard Stern:... what?
Artie Lange:... was the old one dumb?
From Howard Stern Show on October 1, 2007
 
Also See: Brad Pitt Quotes Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Groucho Marx:Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
From Power Quotes on August 19, 1977
 
Also See: Book Quotes
 

 
Katey Sagal (Gemma Teller Morrow):... Jesus is just a guy who cuts my lawn ...
From Sons of Anarchy on November 19, 2008
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Matthew Perry (Chandler Bing):... wow, it is like porno for clowns ...
From Friends
 

 
Will Ferrell (Mr. Tarkanian):... I am a strong man, anyone in this office take a run at me ...
From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
 

 
Paul Rudd (Danny Donahu):... no, venti is 20 ... yeah, large is large, in fact tall is large and grande is Spanish for large, venti is the only one that doesn't mean large, it is also the only one that is Italian, congratulations, you are stupid in 3 languages ...
From Role Models
 
Also See: Food Quotes Movie Quotes
 

 
Howard Stern:... that's weird that Batman [Christian Bale] is in Terminator ....
From Howard Stern Show on March 4, 2009
 
Also See: Christian Bale Quotes Movie Quotes Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Rodney Dangerfield:... when I met my wife I wanted sex in the worst way and I got it ...
From Mad TV
 
Also See: Relationship Quotes Sex Quotes
 

 
Rick Pitino:... when you have a problem, if you tell the truth your problem becomes part of your past, if you lie it becomes a part of your future ...
From Press Conference on August 12, 2009
 
Also See: Basketball Quotes Inspirational Quotes Sports Quotes
 

 
Andrea Frankle (Maddie McConnell):... you going to kill my baby?
Hilary Swank (Katherine):... no ...
Andrea Frankle:... why not?
From The Reaping
 
Also See: Death Quotes Movie Quotes Scary Quotes
 

 
Artie Lange:... she [Jessica Biel] was born the year I got my first DWI ...
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien
 
Also See: Birthday Quotes Drug Quotes Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Tom Cruise (Les Grossman):... a nutless monkey could do your job ...
From Tropic Thunder
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Dane Cook:... I want venom ...
From Comedy Central Presents
 
Also See: Harmful If Swallowed Quotes
 

 
Howard Stern:... why don't they just get that Hubble Telescope and aim it at Megan Fox's window so we can take a peek ...
From Howard Stern Show on May 12, 2009
 
Also See: Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Bill Hader (Officer Slater):... you don't want to ride on the bus anyway ...
Seth Rogen (Officer Michaels):... buses smell like piss generally, you know why?
Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Fogell):... why?
Seth Rogen:... people piss on it ...
From Superbad
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Bill Pullman (Lone Starr):... that's all we need, a Druish princess ...
John Candy (Barf):... funny, she doesn't look Druish ...
From Spaceballs
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Clint Eastwood (Ben Shockley):... well on a scale of 10, I'd have to give her a 2 ... and that's only because I've never seen a 1 before ...
From The Gauntlet
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Jim Gaffigan:... peanut butter and chocolate is my favorite team ...
From The Opie and Anthony Show on March 24, 2009
 
Also See: Food Quotes Sports Quotes Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Jason Biggs (Dustin):... I love the way you eat, I love that you eat ...
Kate Hudson (Alexis):... I love that you pay ...
From My Best Friend's Girl
 
Also See: Food Quotes Love Quotes Movie Quotes
 

 
Katey Sagal (Peggy Bundy):... you never listen to me ...
Ed O'Neill (Al Bundy):... why would I, got a TV ...
Katey Sagal:... I know, it's the only thing you've turned on in 20 years ...
Ed O'Neill:... well if you came with a remote and mute button, I might turn you on too every now and then ...
From Married with Children
 

 
Anna Faris (Shelley Darlingson):... kindness is just love with its work boots on ...
From The House Bunny
 
Also See: Love Quotes Movie Quotes
 

 
Al Pacino (Michael Corleone):... come on, you think I'd make my sister a widow?
From The Godfather
 
Also See: Death Quotes Movie Quotes
 

 
Kristen Stewart (Bella Swan):... death is peacful, easy ... life is harder ...
From Twilight
 
Also See: Death Quotes Life Quotes Movie Quotes
 

 
Sacha Baron Cohen:... it is said in times of economic hardship that people flock to the cinemas, to watch mindless pure raw escapist nonsense ... which is great news because I have a movie coming out [Bruno] ...
From The 66th Annual Golden Globe Awards on January 11, 2009
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Jon Heder (Jimmy MacElroy):... they are laughing at us ...
Will Ferrell (Chazz Michael Michaels):... they laughed at Louie Armstrong when he wanted to go to the moon, now he is up there laughing at them ...
From Blades of Glory
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Paris Hilton:... what's Wal-Mart ... do they sell, like wall stuff?
From Unknown
 

 
Matt LeBlanc (Vinnie Verducci):... my family believes, say it with words ...
From Married with Children
 
Also See: Family Quotes
 

 
Justin Bruening (Mike Knight):... then we go to the backup plan ...
Val Kilmer (K.I.T.T.):... the backup plan, the plan created because of Murphy's Law ... whatever can go wrong, will go wrong ... but isn't it true that there are an infinite number of ways a plan can go wrong?
Justin Bruening:... that's why backup plans suck ...
From Knight Rider
 

 
Megan Fox:... I took some cosmetology courses, I figured I would be a beautician ... or a supermodel ...
From Two and a Half Men
 

 
Ray Romano (Ray Barone):... isn't that why you like me?
Patricia Heaton (Debra Barone):... I love you, I have to like you ...
From Everybody Loves Raymond
 
Also See: Friendship Quotes Love Quotes
 

 
Austin Nichols (Julian):... that was amazing, no wonder you were so popular in high school ...
Sophia Bush (Brooke Davis):... excuse me, sex didn't help make me popular, I made it become popular ...
From One Tree Hill on February 2, 2009
 
Also See: Sex Quotes
 

 
Dan Quayle:... it's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago ...
From 40 Dumbest Celeb Quotes... Ever
 

 
Barack Obama:... I believe that the nation that invented it [the automobile], should not walk away from it ...
From Presidential Address to Congress on February 24, 2009
 
Also See: Inspirational Quotes
 

 
Anthony Cumia:... [Hayden Panettiere] she's very cute, I'd like to choke her ...
From The Opie and Anthony Show on May 8, 2009
 
Also See: Cute Quotes Death Quotes Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Kurt Cobain:... where the bad folks go when they die, they don't go to heaven where the angels cry .... go to a lake of fire and fry, see them again till the 4th of July ...
From Lake of Fire (Nirvana's MTV Unplugged in New York Album)
 
Also See: Death Quotes Holiday Quotes Music Quotes
 

 
Owen Wilson (Oscar Choi):... Han Solo ...
Ben Affleck (A.J. Frost):... if anybody's anybody, I'm Han and you're, you're Chewbacca ...
Owen Wilson:... Chewy, have you evan seen Star Wars?
From Armageddon
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Jimmy Kimmel:... [Megan Fox,] is Fox your real last name or was it just given to you?
From Jimmy Kimmel Live on June 7, 2007
 
Also See: Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Craig Ferguson:... in my wedding, they a, well in my wife's wedding, that I was allowed to go to ...
From The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
 
Also See: Family Quotes Talk Show Quotes Wedding Quotes
 

 
Olivia Thirlby (Leah):... you should look at adoption ads, I see them all the time in the PennySaver ...
Ellen Page (Juno MacGuff):... they have ads for parents?
Olivia Thirlby:... yea-ha, desperately seeking spawn, right next to like terriers, and iguanas, and used fitness equipment and stuff, its like totally legit ...
From Juno
 
Also See: Family Quotes Movie Quotes
 

 
Lewis Black:... if you forget the punchline to a joke, all you have to say, is Michael Jackson ...
From Unknown
 

 
Christina Applegate (Kelly Bundy):... enough, if I wanted intelligent conversation, I'd still be dating my teachers ...
From Married with Children
 
Also See: Relationship Quotes
 

 
Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie):... ok, quick question ...
Merritt Wever (Zoey Brakow):... what?
Edie Falco:... shut up ...
From Nurse Jackie
 

 
Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat):... to let a woman vote is to like letting a monkey fly a plane, very dangerous ...
From The Opie and Anthony Show
 
Also See: Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Barack Obama:... I've been practicing bowling, I bowled a 129, which is good, I have ...
Jay Leno:... oh no, that's very good, yeah, no that's very good Mr President ...
Barack Obama:... it was, it was like Special Olympics or something ...
From The Tonight Show on March 19, 2009
 
Also See: Sports Quotes Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Vin Diesel (Xander Cage):... if you're gonna send someone to save the world, make sure they like it the way it is ...
From xXx
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Seth Meyers:... today is Veterans Day, so it won't affect anyone in the White House ...
From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
 
Also See: Holiday Quotes Veteran's Day Quotes
 

 
Johnny Depp:... good morning sunshine, the Earth says hello ...
From Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
J.K. Simmons (J. Jonah Jameson):... crazy scientist turns himself into some kind of monster, 4 mechanical arms welded right onto his body, guy named Otto Octavius winds up with 8 limbs, what are the odds ...
From Spider-Man 2
 
Also See: Crazy Quotes
 

 
Chris Rock:... the reason coke and weed are illegal in America because the best coke and weed ain't made in America ...
From Never Scared
 
Also See: Drug Quotes
 

 
Howard Stern:... if they made Megan Fox the Bachelorette, that would be the biggest show ever ...
From Howard Stern Show on February 25, 2009
 
Also See: Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Austin O'Malley:God is good to the Irish, but no on else is, not even the Irish.
From 20,000 Quips & Quotes
 
Also See: Book Quotes Irish Quotes
 

 
Dane Cook:... I'm not racist, I've got a black president ...
From Dane Cook: ISolated INcident
 

 
Zachary Quinto:... who's Sylar now bitch?
Joel McHale:... you are, you are, sorry ...
From The Soup
 

 
Rachael Ray:... Yum-O ...
From 30 Minute Meals
 
Also See: Famous Quotes Food Quotes
 

 
Will Ferrell:... forget twitter, I'm on the CB ...
From The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien on June 1, 2009
 
Also See: Talk Show Quotes The Tonight Show Quotes
 

 
Amy Adams:... a little slow motion in latex, that's what my career needs right now ...
Craig Ferguson:... well, I am glad you brought it up ...
From The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
 
Also See: Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Artie Lange:... if you are a black woman, you get two history months in a row ...
From Howard Stern Show on March 4, 2009
 
Also See: History Quotes Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Sacha Baron Cohen:... but this recession if affecting everone, even celebrities ... Victoria Beckham hasn't eaten for 3 weeks ... Charlie Sheen has been forced to have sex without paying for it ... it's true ... and even Madonna has had to get rid of one of her personal assistants ... our thoughts go out to you Guy Ritchie ...
From The 66th Annual Golden Globe Awards on January 11, 2009
 
Also See: Sex Quotes
 

 
Megan Fox (Mikaela Banes):... what is it?
Shia LaBeouf (Sam Witwicky):... its a robot ... but like a, different ... you know like a super advanceded robot ... it's probably Japanese, yeah, it's definitely Japanese ...
From Transformers
 
Also See: Movie Quotes
 

 
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.:We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the vitriolic words and actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence of the good people.
From Letter from Birmingham Jail
 
Also See: Book Quotes
 

 
Babe Ruth:I've never heard a crowd boo a homer, but I've heard plenty of boos after a strike-out.
From 20,000 Quips & Quotes
 
Also See: Baseball Quotes Book Quotes Sports Quotes
 

 
Daniel Tosh:... I just hope we find a cure for every major disease, because I am tired of walking 5k ...
From Completely Serious
 

 
William Shakespeare:The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
From Henry VI, Part II
 
Also See: Book Quotes Death Quotes
 

 
Ellen Page (Juno MacGuff):... he is the cheese to my macaroni ...
From Juno
 
Also See: Food Quotes Movie Quotes Relationship Quotes
 

 
Leonard Nimoy (Mr Spock):... live long and prosper ...
From Star Trek
 
Also See: Famous Quotes Life Quotes
 

 
Stewie Griffin:... I say, did anyone listen to Howard Stern this morning, he had some strippers in the studio, they sounded hot, then he made a joke about a negro, but Robin laughed so it was ok ...
From Family Guy
 
Also See: Howard Stern Quotes Howard Stern Show Quotes Robin Quivers Quotes
 

 
Hilary Pingle (Claire):... I just had a child ...
Dane Cook (Tank):... well congratulations, I'm sure he was probably delicious, it looks like you downed the whole thing ...
From My Best Friend's Girl
 
Also See: Food Quotes Movie Quotes
 

 
Chris Pine:... WonderCon is like Comic-Con, it's similar to Comic-Con ...
Jimmy Kimmel:... but with wonder instead of comics?
Chris Pine:... exactly, exactly ...
Jimmy Kimmel:... and then wonder why I'm here ...
From Jimmy Kimmel Live
 
Also See: Talk Show Quotes
 

 
Homer Simpson:... all my love has come back in trophy form ...
From The Simpsons
 
Also See: Love Quotes
 

 
Kristen Stewart (Bella Swan):... dying in the place of someone I love, seems like a good way to go ...
From Twilight
 
Also See: Death Quotes Love Quotes Movie Quotes
 

 
Zachary Quinto (Smudge):... without animals, all you'd have in zoos, is air ...
From Off Centre
 

 


Funny and Memorable Quotes Archive -->

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