| Jay Pharoah (Barack Obama): |
|
... remember that movie, The Sixth Sense ... I'm like the kid in that movie ... I see employed people ... I know you don't see them, don't even know they're there, but one day all of you will be Bruce Willis, and you will realize you were employed all along ... |
| From Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update Thursday
on September 27, 2012
|
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| Also See: Movie Quotes Political Quotes |
|
| Joseph Gordon-Levitt: |
|
... I have the movie Looper coming out … in that one, uh, I play a young version of Bruce Willis, so I guess I am playing Ashton Kutcher ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
on September 23, 2012
|
| |
| Also See: Movie Quotes |
|
| Adam Sandler: |
|
... of course you may remember me from Saturday Night Live ... that is right, I am the great, Jimmy Fallon ... |
| From Late Show with David Letterman
on March 7, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Talk Show Quotes |
|
| Will Ferrell (George W Bush): |
|
... George Bush always finds his man save for one huge exception ... |
| From Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update Thursday
on October 23, 2008
|
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| Also See: Political Quotes |
|
| Christopher Walken (Bruce): |
|
... guess what, I have a fever, and the only prescription, is more cow bell ... |
| Will Ferrell (Gene): |
|
... thank you Bruce ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Will Ferrell (Mr. Tarkanian): |
|
... I am a strong man, anyone in this office take a run at me ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Seth Meyers: |
|
... today is Veterans Day, so it won't affect anyone in the White House ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
| |
| Also See: Holiday Quotes Veteran's Day Quotes |
|
| Will Ferrell (George W Bush): |
|
... I've chosen to schedule this impromptu address at night, because quite frankly, every time I speak during the day the stock market goes in the crapper ... so sorry Asian markets, you take the hit on this one ... |
| From Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update Thursday
|
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| Chris Kattan (Office Worker): |
|
... is there a problem with it? |
| Will Ferrell (Mr. Tarkanian): |
|
... you do not hand in crap like this ... this looks like you took a crap or a dump in the printer, you are scum, I should fire you and burn down your house, I am this close to raping you ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Alec Baldwin: |
|
... you ... are way hotter in person ... |
| Sarah Palin: |
|
... why thank you ... |
| Alec Baldwin: |
|
... I mean seriously, I mean I can't believe they let her [Tina Fey], you know, play, you ... |
| Sarah Palin: |
|
... thank you, and I must say that your brother Stephen is my favorite Baldwin brother ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
on October 18, 2008
|
| |
| Also See: Family Quotes |
|
| Steven Wright: |
|
... I have a large sea shell collection that I keep scattered on the beaches all over the world ... maybe you've seen it ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Will Ferrell (George W. Bush): |
|
... I come to you tonight amist a very important election between 2 very qualified candidates, the hot lady [Sarah Palin] and the Tiger Woods guy [Barack Obama] ... |
| From Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update Thursday
on October 23, 2008
|
| |
| Also See: Political Quotes Tiger Woods Quotes |
|
| Chris Rock: |
|
... everyone loves white women, except white women ... white women are the majority of the country, and they have had the right to vote for almost 100 years, and still they've never elected a white woman president ... what are you bitches waiting for? |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
on March 17, 2007
|
| |
| Also See: Love Quotes |
|
| Kevin Nealon (Secret Service Agent): |
|
... don't tell Mrs. Clinton ... |
| Phil Hartman (Bill Clinton): |
|
... Jim, let me tell you something, there's gonna be a whole bunch of things we don't tell Mrs Clinton ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Amy Poehler (Britney Spears): |
|
... I better get going 'cause I don't like leaving my babies in the car for more than an hour ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Tina Fey (Sarah Palin): |
|
... Mr President, I don't want to go all Katie Couric on you, but, I think its actually the other way around, I think the Vice President reports to the President ... |
| Will Ferrell (George W. Bush): |
|
... really, that's not what Dick Cheney told me when he sat me down the first day ... |
| From Saturday Night Live: Weekend Update Thursday
on October 23, 2008
|
|
| Seth Meyers: |
|
... on Thursday the Army launched their new recruitment slogan "Army Strong," which replaces their previous slogan "Army of One," meanwhile the Navy is sticking with their recruiting slogan, "Iraq: It's Almost Entirely Landlocked" ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Queen Latifah (Gwen Ifill): |
|
... how will you solve the financial crisis being a maverick? |
| Tina Fey (Sarah Palin): |
|
... you know we're gonna take every aspect of the crisis and look at it and then we're gonna ask ourselves what would a maveric do in this situation ... and then you know we'll do that ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
on October 4, 2008
|
|
| Alec Baldwin: |
|
... you want experience, I have appeared in over 40 major motion pictures ... |
| Tina Fey: |
|
... I wrote Mean Girls ... |
| Tracy Morgan: |
|
... I've seen Star Wars 500 times ... |
| Alec Baldwin: |
|
... how about credentials, I was nominated for an Oscar ... |
| Tina Fey: |
|
... I have an Emmy ... |
| Tracy Morgan: |
|
... I have seen Star Wars 500 times ... |
| Alec Baldwin: |
|
... how about colleagues, I've worked with Sir Anthony Hopkins, Annette Bening, Jack Nicholson ... |
| Tina Fey: |
|
... I have worked with Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan ... |
| Tracy Morgan: |
|
... I'm personal friends with Obi-Wan Kenobi ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
| |
| Also See: Friendship Quotes Movie Quotes Star Wars Quotes |
|
| Tina Fey (Office worker): |
|
... car accident, oh my God, is he ok? |
| Will Ferrell (Mr. Tarkanian): |
|
... hey, hey, not on my watch, ok, no personal phone calls, all right, I should smack you in the mouth, use the company time to talk to your disgusting whore friends, no, you do not do this! |
| Tina Fey: |
|
... sorry ... |
| Will Ferrell: |
|
... you do not! |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Alec Baldwin (Saddam Hussein): |
|
... I feel like I'm on American Idol and all the witnesses are Simon [Cowell] ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Steven Wright: |
|
... right now I am having amnesia and deja vu at the same time ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Norm MacDonald: |
|
... Kenny G has a Christmas album out this year ... hey, happy birthday Jesus, hope you like crap ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
| |
| Also See: Birthday Quotes Christmas Quotes Happy Quotes Holiday Quotes |
|
| Darrell Hammond (Chris Matthews): |
|
... but a lot of Democrats like the fact that Obama was always against the war ... |
| Amy Poehler (Hillary Rodham Clinton): |
|
... Chris, let me say something about Senator Obama, for whom I have the greatest respect, he seems to take positions based on studying an issue and then following his convictions ... which is perfectly all right, but suppose he were to go to Iraq and conclude that the war was necessary after all, he might decide to support it, can we really trust someone like that? |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
| |
| Also See: Political Quotes |
|
| Jack Handey: |
|
... I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey ... Mom and Dad sat us kids down and explained that business hadn't been good at Dad's store, so we couldn't afford a turkey ... we had vegetables and bread and pie, and it was just fine ... later on I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom to thank them and I caught them eating a little turkey ... I guess that really wasn't the best Thanksgiving ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
| |
| Also See: Best Quotes Family Quotes Father Quotes Food Quotes Holiday Quotes Mother Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes |
|
| Chris Farley: |
|
... well, la di fricken da ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
| |
| Also See: Famous Quotes |
|
| Steven Wright: |
|
... I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Will Ferrell (Alex Trebek): |
|
... the sound a doggie makes ... |
| Darrell Hammond (Sean Connery): |
|
... moo ... |
| Will Ferrell: |
|
... no ... |
| Darrell Hammond: |
|
... well that was the sound your mother made last night ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Chris Farley (Chicago Sports Fan): |
|
... oh, you know that Saturday Night Live show, ah it got way worse ... oh yeah, its just sad, they got that fat guy screaming all the time, come on, pull the plug on that freakin thing ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Steven Wright: |
|
... lot of people are afraid of heights, not me, I am afraid of widths ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Steven Wright: |
|
... I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he is gone ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Steven Wright: |
|
... I put instant coffee into a microwave and I almost went back in time ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Will Ferrell (George W. Bush): |
|
... I start my day thinking about the warming of the globe and how we can get it warmer ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Will Ferrell (George W. Bush): |
|
... it seems that liberals and godless tax raisers are trying to make me look bad, by using such things as facts ... and scientific data ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Steven Wright: |
|
... I like to reminisce with people I don't know ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Steven Wright: |
|
... I bought some batteries but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
|
| Chris Farley (Matt Foley): |
|
... or you'll end up living in a van, down by the river ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
| |
| Also See: Famous Quotes |
|
| Dane Cook: |
|
... it is the button on the top right where it has always been ... since the beginning of photography ... |
| From SNL (Saturday Night Live)
|
