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Logan.WS / Quotes / Sports Quotes

Sports Quotes

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Funny and Memorable Quotes
500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
Sports quotes are quotes about or involving all kinds of sports like football, basketball, soccer, hockey and more.

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Neil Patrick Harris (Barney Stinson): ... you don't bring a date to a wedding, that's like bringing a deer carcass to a hunting trip ...
From How I Met Your Mother
Also See: Death Quotes Relationship Quotes Wedding Quotes

Will Ferrell (Tiger Woods): ... what can I say, I'm the best, in your face ...
From ESPY Awards on July 20, 2008
Also See: Best Quotes

Sandra Bullock (Margaret Tate): ... [I am not getting in the boat] you know I can't swim ...
Ryan Reynolds (Andrew Paxton): ... hence the boat ...
From The Proposal
Also See: Movie Quotes

Homer Simpson: ... let me say, I have always admired the Irish, Mitt Romney, Larry Bird, and especially Mr Potato Head ...
From The Simpsons
Also See: Basketball Quotes Irish Quotes Political Quotes

Jim Norton: ... who better personifies just do it, than Tiger Woods ...
From The Jay Leno Show
Also See: Talk Show Quotes

Merle Kessler: Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers.
From San Francisco Chronicle on November 13, 1985
Also See: Book Quotes Football Quotes

Will Ferrell (Tiger Woods): ... people are always asking, Tiger, how do you do it, and my answer is shut up ... I ask the questions around here, I'm Tiger Woods ...
From ESPY Awards on July 20, 2008

Rip Torn (Patches O'Houlihan): ... if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball ...
From Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Also See: Inspirational Quotes Movie Quotes Scary Quotes

Oprah Winfrey: ... New Yorkers are thanking you [Kate Hudson for dating Alex Rodriquez and the Yankees winning the World Series] ...
From The Oprah Winfrey Show
Also See: Relationship Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Nick Swisher: ... when I grow up I want to be like Alex Rodriguez ...
From an interview on October 20, 2009

H.L. Mencken: College football would be more interesting if the faculty played instead of the students - there would be a great increase in broken arms, legs and necks.
From 20,000 Quips & Quotes
Also See: Book Quotes Football Quotes School Quotes

Rick Pitino: ... when you have a problem, if you tell the truth your problem becomes part of your past, if you lie it becomes a part of your future ...
From Press Conference on August 12, 2009
Also See: Basketball Quotes Inspirational Quotes

Jim Gaffigan: ... peanut butter and chocolate is my favorite team ...
From The Opie and Anthony Show on March 24, 2009
Also See: Food Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Barack Obama: ... I've been practicing bowling, I bowled a 129, which is good, I have ...
Jay Leno: ... oh no, that's very good, yeah, no that's very good Mr President ...
Barack Obama: ... it was, it was like Special Olympics or something ...
From The Tonight Show on March 19, 2009
Also See: Talk Show Quotes

Babe Ruth: I've never heard a crowd boo a homer, but I've heard plenty of boos after a strike-out.
From 20,000 Quips & Quotes
Also See: Book Quotes

Gary Cole (Cotton McKnight): ... ladies and gentlemen, prepare to witness the greatest happening in sports, sudden death dodgeball ...
Jason Bateman (Pepper Brooks): ... Pepper needs new shorts ...
From Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Also See: Movie Quotes

Peter Griffin: ... I heard you ran into my identical twin at the ballgame yesterday ... and if you don't buy that, I am sorry for going to the game yesterday ...
From Family Guy
Also See: Family Quotes

Michael Sheen: ... I said to him [David Frost], it must be so strange, to ah, to watch someone being, you on stage, and the events of your life ... and he said, "Michael, in the words of Yogi Berra, it's like Deja Vou, all over again" ... and ah, and I thought he was hilarious, because I thought he's quoting Yogi Bear, a cartoon character, I had no, no idea who Yogi Berra was ...
From Late Show with David Letterman on December 9, 2008
Also See: Life Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Paul Johansson (Dan Scott): ... you know what they call the best player on a losing team?
James Lafferty (Nathan Scott): ... a loser ...
Paul Johansson: ... bingo, a loser ...
From One Tree Hill
Also See: Basketball Quotes Best Quotes

Will Ferrell (Phil Weston): ... I almost had you ...
Robert Duvall (Buck Weston): ... what do you call that again when you almost win ... oh yeah yeah yeah, losing ...
From Kicking & Screaming
Also See: Movie Quotes

Joe Paterno: ... the will to win is important but the will to prepare is vital ...
From Crossword Puzzle on January 29, 2009
Also See: Football Quotes Inspirational Quotes

Shia LaBeouf (Sam Witwicky): ... that wasn't like a real tryout, I was researching a book I was writing ...
Travis Van Winkle (Trent): ... oh yeah?
Shia LaBeouf: ... yeah ...
Travis Van Winkle: ... yeah, what's it about .. sucking at sports?
Shia LaBeouf: ... no, it's about the link between brain damage and football ... no, it's a good book, your friends will love it, you know, its got mazes in it, and, you know, little coloring areas, sections, pop up pictures, it's a lot of fun ...
From Transformers
Also See: Book Quotes Football Quotes Friendship Quotes Love Quotes Movie Quotes

Kristen Stewart (Lucy Hardwicke): ... so ... think I'm dating the quarterback of the football team ... I don't know, does it get more breakfast club than that ...
From In the Land of Women
Also See: Football Quotes Movie Quotes Relationship Quotes

Homer Simpson: ... hi Lisa, feeling self conscious about your shins, in my day girls were worried about their boobs ...
Yeardley Smith (Lisa Simpson): ... Dad, I am going to play soccer ...
From The Simpsons

Rachael Ray: ... I don't run unless I'm chased by a gun ...
From Rachael Ray Show on October 16, 2008
Also See: Talk Show Quotes

John Caponera: ... who knew the pilgrims liked football so much ...
From Comedy Time
Also See: Football Quotes Holiday Quotes Thanksgiving Quotes

Vince Vaughn (Jeremy Grey): ... sailing is like sex to these people ...
From Wedding Crashers
Also See: Movie Quotes Sex Quotes

Demetri Martin: ... I used to compete in sports a lot ... but then I realized you can buy trophies ... now I'm good at everything ...
From Unknown

Judah Friedlander: ... a black belt in Isreal is like a bright pink belt in any other country ...
From Jay Thomas Show
Also See: Talk Show Quotes

Donald Faison (Dr. Christopher Turk): ... what am I doing playing golf, it is so Tiger Woods's fault ...
From Scrubs

Artie Lange (Artie DeVanzo): ... a home run ties it, I'm going for it ...
Ralph Macchio (Maz): ... don't be stupid, no one's hit one out of here since Dave Delafara of '89 ...
Artie Lange: ... why do you think I can't do it too?
Ralph Macchio: ... because he bench pressed 400 lbs and you sweat when you eat ...
Artie Lange: ... so did Babe Ruth ...
From Beer League
Also See: Movie Quotes

Leslie Nielsen (Lt. Frank Drebin): ... yes, that would be me, I have been swimming in raw sewage ... and I love it ...
From The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear
Also See: Famous Quotes Love Quotes Movie Quotes

Will Ferrell (Dave): ... just feed me the rock, through the hoop, swish, count it, go in the locker room, take a shower ...
From Undeclared
Also See: Basketball Quotes

Dave Foley: ... many American's believe that our national anthem is O Canada, simply because we enjoy singing it before hockey games ... but in fact our national anthem is The Night Chicago Died by Paper Lace ...
From Mad TV
Also See: Music Quotes

Ellen Page (Juno MacGuff): ... I hear they, they [China] give away babies like free iPods ... you know they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns, choo, shoot them out at sporting events ...
From Juno
Also See: Movie Quotes

Jimmy Kimmel: ... and you just did a movie with Owen Wilson ...
Rachel McAdams: ... yeah, and Vince Vaughn and Christopher Walken plays my dad ...
Jimmy Kimmel: ... oh wow, that's allright ...
Rachel McAdams: ... you can see the resemplence ...
Jimmy Kimmel: ... what's the name of that movie?
Rachel McAdams: ... ah, Wedding Crashers ...
Jimmy Kimmel: ... Wedding Crashers, allright, is that like Dodgeball?
Rachel McAdams: ... I dodged a few, balls ...
From Jimmy Kimmel Live
Also See: Family Quotes Father Quotes Movie Quotes Owen Wilson Quotes Talk Show Quotes Vince Vaughn Quotes Wedding Crashers Quotes

Muhammad Ali: There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.
From The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said on June 26, 1979
Also See: Book Quotes

Dane Cook: ... lot of Boston guys here tonight, Denis [Leary], we've got Lenny Clarke, we've got Nick [DiPaolo], Mario [Cantone], who knew Red Sox's curse affected comedians' careers ...
From Comedy Central Roast of Denis Leary
Also See: Harmful If Swallowed Quotes Retaliation Quotes

George Foreman: ... I've got 5 sons, I named them all George ...
Jay Leno: ... that my favorite thing, they're all named, but you actually never told me why, I didn't know, I never asked you why ...
George Foreman: ... well, you get hit on the head by Muhammad Ali, Joe Frazier, Ken Norton, Evander Holyfield, see how many names you gonna remember ...
From The Tonight Show
Also See: Family Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Howard Stern: ... give me a prediction of the final score [for Super Bowl 2008] ...
Junior Seau: ... I guarantee it will start zero zero ...
From Howard Stern Show
Also See: Football Quotes Super Bowl Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Tom Cruise (Jerry Maguire): ... I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game featuring you while singing your own song in a new comercial starring you, broadcast during the Super Bowl in a game that you are winning, and I will not sleep until that happens ...
From Jerry Maguire
Also See: Food Quotes Football Quotes Movie Quotes Music Quotes Super Bowl Quotes

Bill Vaughan: Any American boy can be a basketball star if he grows up, up, up.
From 20,000 Quips & Quotes
Also See: Basketball Quotes Book Quotes Inspirational Quotes

Thomas Mitchell (Bantam Draper): ... America's greatest president ...
David Spade (Rand): ... it's me Rand, open up ...
Thomas Mitchell: ... America's greatest president ...
David Spade: ... damnit, who is Ronald Reagan ...
Thomas Mitchell: ... a casual shoe for yachting ...
David Spade: ... what are you trying to figure BD, who could I be ... what is a bluker ...
Thomas Mitchell: ... who killed Jesus Christ ...
David Spade: ... who are the Jews, open up sucko ...
From PCU
Also See: Movie Quotes Political Quotes Ronald Reagan Quotes

Will Ferrell (Phil Weston): ... you're my assistant, ok ... you're supposed to back me up and get me juice boxes when I tell you, now go get me a juice box ...
Will Ferrell: ... I'm talking to the juice box guy ...
Mike Ditka: ... YOU'RE CRAZY ...
Will Ferrell: ... I'm not crazy, I'm just thirsty ...
Mike Ditka: ... WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL ...
From Kicking & Screaming
Also See: Crazy Quotes Food Quotes Movie Quotes

Mitch Hedberg: ... I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick, that would be convenient ...
From Mitch All Together

Paul Westhead: If Shakespeare had been in pro basketball he never would have had time to write his soliloquies. He would always have been on a plane between Phoenix and Kansas City.
From The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said
Also See: Basketball Quotes Book Quotes William Shakespeare Quotes

Dane Cook: ... I was sweating like Shaq at the foul line ...
From Dane Cook: Rough Around the Edges at MSG on November 18, 2007
Also See: Basketball Quotes Shaquille O'Neal Quotes

Lance Armstrong: ... I think you better hurry up or you're gonna be late ...
Vince Vaughn (Peter La Fleur): ... uhh, actually I decided to quit, Lance ...
Lance Armstrong: ... quit ... you know once I thought about quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung, and testicular cancer ... all at the same time ... but with the love and support of my friends and family I got back on the bike, and I won the Tour De France 5 times in a row, but I am sure you have a good reason to quit ... so what are you dying from that is keeping you from the finals?
Vince Vaughn: ... right now it feels a little bit like, shame ...
Lance Armstrong: ... well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't have anything to regret for the rest of their life ... but good luck to you Peter, I am sure this decision won't haunt you forever ...
From Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Also See: Family Quotes Friendship Quotes Love Quotes Movie Quotes

Mitch Hedberg: ... I think Pringles's initial intention was to make tennis balls ... but on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up a big old truck of potatoes arrived ... but Pringles is a laid back company, they said "cut them up" ...
From Unknown
Also See: Food Quotes

Will Ferrell (Chazz Reinhold): ... funerals are insane, the chicks are so horny, its not even fair, its like fishing with dynamite ...
From Wedding Crashers
Also See: Death Quotes Movie Quotes

Adam Sandler (Paul Crewe): ... you play football?
Chris Rock (Caretaker): ... man, I'm so bad at sports, they used to pick me after the white kids ...
From The Longest Yard
Also See: Football Quotes Movie Quotes

Artie Lange: ... the [Boston Red] Sox probably want you to make a movie [like Fever Pitch where they won the World Series] about them every year ...
Jimmy Fallon: ... the [Chicago] Cubs are starting to send me scripts ...
From Howard Stern Show on June 18, 2007
Also See: Movie Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Catman Cohen: We need to place velvet ropes around the hospitals, fire-stations, schools, soldiers barracks, and police stations of this nation. People should line up in front of those buildings, begging for entrance, as though they were the hottest nightclubs in the nation. It should be a privilege, no less than a divine honor, to touch or receive an autograph from a nurse, fireman, soldier, teacher, or cop today. They are the heroes we need to reclaim desperately or we will perish in a society whose caretakers have become pretty heiresses, porno muscle-heads, ball players, fame groupies, and aspiring entertainers.
From CatmanCohen.com
Also See: Inspirational Quotes School Quotes

Stephen Colbert: ... I even know the difference between hockey and baseball ... people, baseball is the one with the fat people ...
From The Colbert Report
Also See: Talk Show Quotes

Vince Vaughn (Peter La Fleur): ... hang on a second, you want to become a cheerleader to prove to a girl that you are not a loser?
Justin Long (Justin): ... yeah ... why?
Vince Vaughn: ... nothing, just high school's changed a little since I was a kid ...
From Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Also See: Movie Quotes School Quotes

James Hong (Master Wong): ... real ping pong is not played for trophies, it is played in the shadows, in dark alleys, in back rooms for hard cash ... and cheap ugly women ...
From Balls of Fury
Also See: Movie Quotes

Mitch Hedberg: ... I play tennis, the thing that is depressing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as the wall, I played a wall once, their relentless ...
From Unknown

David Schwimmer (Dr. Ross Geller): ... I am just going to go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian girlfriend ...
Matt LeBlanc (Joey Tribbiani): ... to hell with hockey, lets all do that ...
From Friends
Also See: Relationship Quotes

Christopher Walken (Feng): ... ping pong ... or, as the Chinese say, ping pong ...
From Balls of Fury
Also See: Movie Quotes

Dan Hedaya (Kamehl Butabi): ... besides, all men are nervous the night before their wedding ...
Will Ferrell (Steve Butabi): ... oh, you mean, all guys are nervous and anxious ... and kinda hopes she eats a can of bochelism ... or, or maybe she can hang out with a deer and a hunter accidentally shoots her ... or or you know when she's sleeping she makes that nose whistling sound and you shake her to make her be quiet but what you'd really like to do is take her stupid little red tooth brush and ram it up her nostril into her skull ...
Dan Hedaya: ... these are perfectly normal feelings ...
Will Ferrell: ... ok ...
From A Night at the Roxbury
Also See: Death Quotes Inspirational Quotes Movie Quotes Wedding Quotes

Craig T. Nelson (Coach): ... what do you guys have that none of the other teams have?
Will Ferrell (Chazz Michael Michaels): ... matching junk?
Craig T. Nelson: ... exactly ...
From Blades of Glory
Also See: Movie Quotes

Vince Vaughn (Jeremy Grey): ... Mr Environmental is also a hunter, its kinda an interesting combination ...
Bradley Cooper (Zachary Lodge): ... I hunt quail Jeremy, they are over populated in this region and they are decimating the grubworm population, you have a ****ing problem with that?
Vince Vaughn: ... not nearly as much as the atire you have on or your general point of view towards everyone, but lets go kill some birds, I am psyched ...
From Wedding Crashers
Also See: Death Quotes Movie Quotes

Robin Williams (Sean): ... I don't regret the 18 years married to Nancy, I don't regret the 6 years where I had to give up counseling when she got sick or even the years when she was really sick, and I definitely don't regret missing the game ... that is regret for you ...
Matt Damon (Will): ... it would have been nice to catch that game ...
Robin Williams: ... I didn't know Pudge was going to hit a home run ...
From Good Will Hunting
Also See: Movie Quotes Relationship Quotes

Dane Cook: ... I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school ...
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien on June 15, 2006
Also See: School Quotes Talk Show Quotes

Dane Cook: ... it is a pitch I call crap where I didn't want it to go ...
From Late Night with Conan O'Brien on June 15, 2006
Also See: Talk Show Quotes

Big Prisoner: ... will you teach me how to play football?
Chris Rock (Caretaker): ... I will do whatever you want, just don't eat me ...
From The Longest Yard
Also See: Football Quotes Movie Quotes

Quote Categories:
Basketball Batman Best Birthday
Book Christmas Crazy Cute
Death Doctor Drinking Drugs
Easter Family Famous Father
Father's Day Food Football Friendship
Graduation Happy History Holidays
Inspirational Irish Life Love
Mother Movies Music MySpace
Pirate Political Pregnant Relationship
Scary School Sex Sister
Sports Talk Show Thanksgiving Valentine's Day

Quoted People:
Adam Sandler Artie Lange Brad Pitt Catman Cohen
Chris Farley Chris Rock Christian Bale Dane Cook
Daniel Tosh David Spade Ellen Pompeo Emo Philips
Evan Esar Heath Ledger Homer Simpson Howard Stern
Johnny Depp Kristen Stewart Lisa Lampanelli
 Martin Luther King, Jr
Matt LeBlanc Mitch Hedberg Oprah Winfrey Paris Hilton
Rachael Ray Sandra Oh Steven Wright Stewie Griffin
Tracy Morgan Vince Vaughn Will Ferrell Will Smith
 William Shakespeare

Quote Sources:
 20,000 Quips & Quotes
Anchorman Bible Big Daddy
Black Sheep Blues Brothers Crossword Puzzles
 Dane Cook's Harmful If Swallowed
 Dane Cook's Retaliation
 Everybody Loves Raymond
Family Guy
Friends Game of Thrones
 The Godfather
 Good Will Hunting
Grey's Anatomy Harry Potter
 Howard Stern Show
 Jimmy Kimmel Live
 Late Night with Conan O'Brien
The Notebook Old School
One Tree Hill PCU
 Pirates of the Caribbean
 Sex and the City
Simpsons SNL Talladega Nights
Tommy Boy Tonight Show Twilight Wedding Crashers

500 Funny and Memorable Quotes
Funny and Memorable Quotes:
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